Not so bad after all

I feel so alone right now. All I want to do is cry. I feel rejected and stupid and selfish all at the same time. Yesterday, I felt so rejected by Joel. He asked if I would pick him up from the train after work- so I thought that meant he wanted to hang out. No he just wanted a ride home. I asked him if he wanted to hang out and he said no just take me home. Then he asked me why I didn’t want to hang out, and I told him I did. Needless to say- he got out of my car and went home.

Then, he promised me that he would take me on a weekend trip (the actual weekend and not a middle of the week). And I asked him about it today…he said he can’t because the weekends are for his kids…WHATEVER…it’s ok during the week only because you can tell your wife you’re on a business trip. On the weekend you’d have no excuse. It has nothing to do with his children because he just complains about how they never want to hang out with him anyway. I know that I’m being selfish, because they are his children and he should be around, but I’m just sick of this. WTF am I doing. I deserve so much more. Why do I put up this, stay, I know he is never going to leave her. And if he did, would I really want to be with him? I wouldn’t put up with a cheating husband. I’m so over men at the moment.

To make things even worse: we were going to be taking a mini trip next week and he canceled because of work. If he was going on a mini vacation with his family- would he still cancel…NO.

And now he is going to go to a basketball game with one of his ex ladies…WHATEVER!!! I don’t really care about that- it’s just everything all on top of each other. He can see whoever he wants since I have Ted. I’m just in a bad mood. Mad at Ted too, only his father is sick so I have to be nice and supportive.

Today sucks.

Hours later:

It turned out that today was not so bad after all. During lunch, I went to the gym and ran for 40 minutes. My day got so much better after that...I was happy and alive...I love working out. It makes me feel so good and strong. And to make things even better, I didn't have any crap food today- it makes a difference, eating right, when I eat bad food I can totally feel the difference.

Joel is coming over tonight. I'm happy about that...I'm fucking horny as hell...need to get laid. And I know that he will fuck the shit out of me...he's been drinking....yummy, I can't wait till his huge cock is inside of me...