Sadness

It sucks that I have two men in my life and I still feel lonely. Joel is great during the work day, we talk all day through im. I see him after work pretty regularly, but by 7:30-8, he's got to go home and be a "family guy." Ted and I hang out (depending on his work) a few times during the week- but never before 7 and he is always leaving by 1030. I want someone who will stay with me. Cuddle me through the night, pillow talk with me on a daliy basis, and neither of them want to/can give me that. It makes me so sad.

I honestly don't really know why I am with Ted. He is so cute, but we act more like friends. Or at least in my opinion. It has almost been 7 months and still no sex...WTF. I don't even bother trying anymore. I enjoy his company and I think I keep thinking that he will change. That he will want to be closer to me, be more involved in my life, but I doubt he will ever change. I keep telling myself that once him and I have sex that I will have to let Joel go. But I don't think it will ever happen. Maybe that is why I'm having an easy time being with Joel, bc I don't really consider Ted to be my boyfriend...god damit I'm pretty fucked up. I honestly have no clue what I am doing in life. Grrr I need to grow up and mature.

Random side note...Joel surprised me today. It was actually very sweet. We met at a bar after work and had some drinks and fried food...yummy...and then we went for a little walk. He had given me a little card saying he had a surprise for me after drinks...I thought it was a cupcake bc we had been talking about cupcakes at work. So we keep walking, and I was thinking WTF it's so cold where are we going...low and behold we go to Hallmark...He told me to pick out a Vera Bradley purse...so nice of him. This is the one I chose:
It Purple Punch and the style is called Lisa B. Too bad I have to wait till Spring to use it though, I thought it was such a nice surprise, he made me very happy.