I suck even more then I thought

It has been a minute since I have written. I said that Joel and I were just to be friends, but that did not turn out to be the case.

Then I , decided that I was going to break up with Ted since we still have not had the sex. Not only that, but it had been 2 weeks since I had seen him.

Then there is Dr. Tom. I saw him again on Friday...we went out on a real date- dinner, drinks, movie, bottle of wine, dancing, and ....ahhh yes.

So Ted came by tonight and I feel like such as ass, as I should. He really cares about me and I fuck around with other men.

I hate that I need so much attention from men. I never thought that I had low self esteem and that I need confidence from men desiring me. It is actually very sad for me to discover about myself.