Thin is the New Happy

I just finished reading the book, Thin is the New Happy by Valerie Frankel. In general, I enjoyed the book, and related to it. I was a chubby little girl. I remember at age 9 my cousin asked me when I was going to sign up for weight watchers...to this day I still remember that comment. it has stuck to me. My mother also harassed me about my weight as a child. By the time I was 11 years old, I was anorexic. It was my way to control one thing in my life. I remember the feeling of hunger made me happy. I thought that I was strong and had will power because I denied myself. At first, friends and family just thought that I was finally shedding my baby weight. I was an active little kid, played soccer starting at age 5. I would go through phases of eating normally, to over eating, to not eating at all. It wasn't until I was in high school, that it was clear to everyone what I was doing. I was put in an out patient treating program- it helped, I got on track, but the thoughts, the body image, and guilt of food and weight gain have stayed with me.

So back to this book, it's a memoir of Valerie Frankel's struggle with weight, body image, her relationship with her mother, and food, She would go on crash diets, just has I have over the years....losing and then gaining. She decided that she was no longer going to allow food and diets and negative thoughts run her life- she started the "non diet." Letting go of all the negaitive feelings, eats when she hungry, stops when she's full, and works out. Doesn't feel guilty for eating bad and punish herself. It has been inspiring to read. I suggest that any woman (which i'm sure is most of us) who has struggled with weight, food, or body image at one point or another should read this. I am impressed with the book.

Why do we think that if we lose just 5 more pounds we will be so much happier? Do thin people not have problems? Because they are beautiful do they not face the same struggles? We all know that is not true. We all have pain and struggle to cope- that is just life.

I have major issues with weight gain, I put on 5 pounds and I think that the world is crashing down on me, I have gained between 7-8 pounds...and I feel guilty eating, funny that the guilt just makes me want to eat more bad food, to comfort myself. I decided that I will no longer go through ups and down when it comes to weight. I will just not make a big deal out of it. I'm just going to go through each day- take things one day at a time. If I don't need, I won't have it...that will apply to all things in life...including material goods, people, etc.

My new motto is: If i don't have to have it, then I just won't have it.

I know that I will shed the extra pounds that I have put on. But this time I just don't want to gain any of it back. I need to deal with my issues. I need to keep focused, not give up as I have with so many things in my life.

I just joined a new gym on Friday- it is so big and there are so many choices. I have fallen in love with it. I want to go as often as possible to get my money's worth. And I know that I will!